The Everyday Icon Style Podcast

Episode 175: Why You Have Nothing to Wear: The Personal Growth Connection

• Tiffany Howard

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The real reason you have "a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear" is a personal growth issue, not a clothing problem. Your wardrobe feels disjointed because it contains pieces from different life phases that no longer reflect who you're becoming.

• Personal growth happens internally first, while our wardrobes often lag behind
• Your closet currently contains evidence of different life phases and versions of yourself
• Shopping for more clothes without a plan only adds to the disconnection
• People may resist your personal changes, making it harder to evolve your style
• Growth and style evolution go hand-in-hand – you need to dress for who you're becoming
• Let go of clothes that no longer serve your current self or future direction
• Be intentional with new purchases, focusing on quality over quantity
• Your style should speak volumes before you even say a word

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Speaker 1:

Ignite your style with the Everyday Icon Style Podcast. I'm Tiffany, your style navigator and confidant here to lead women in corporate America on the quest to discover their timeless style. Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Everyday Icon Podcast. I am your host, tiffany, and today I have a different episode for you. Today, sort of along the lines of my last episode, about me no longer shrinking for other people and hiding and trying to now stand out. So this is going to follow along those same lines and it's going to be a little bit more about your personal growth and your personal style, and this is the real reason why you have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear. Now, I know we've heard this all of the time I have a closet full of clothes, of nothing to wear, but I want us to have a different perspective and outlook on it, because it's not something that's talked about a lot, and having a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear, I think I'm realizing is it's a combination of two things Personal growth and your closet, and that are these are the two biggest things that are overlooked. And so, if and when you ever decide to work with a style coach, personal stylist or whatever have you, we cannot tell you how or who you are. That is the work that you have to do actually first, and today I'm going to try to talk to you about how these two personal growth in your closet and everything goes hand in hand. So I know we've all been through the same thing of you've stood in your closet because I do it every day staring at all of your clothes and you think I don't have a thing to wear, even though you have a closet full of beautiful clothes to wear, right? So then you begin to think, oh, I know what I'll do, I'll just go buy some more clothes. But if we're being honest, that isn't a wardrobe problem, it's not a clothing problem, it's a personal growth problem. That's the issue. That's the core issue is personal growth. So what we're going to do today is is I'm going to talk about how actually your closet reflects your different phases of life, why nothing seems to work anymore and how real personal growth should also be reflected in your wardrobe status. And sometimes we do the personal growth but we don't do the wardrobe. So we kind of have to do that together or we kind of have to make it catch up with one another.

Speaker 1:

So let's start with why your closet actually feels disjointed Now. This is because of all the different phases of your life, and if you go in there, you'll see them Pieces from past jobs, old trends that you used to love or thought you would love, or work, tons of impulse buys, clothes that don't fit anymore and items you've been holding on to just in case. So I want you to just sit with that for a moment and think about that right now in your closet, I promise you you have one of each sitting there. This is beginning to be the problem, especially impulse buys, because oh, that looks cute, I'm gonna it, but you have nothing to wear with it in your closet. Or I'm going to wear this one day. Those are actually two separate types of purchases Impulse buy or oh, I'm going to wear that one day and for whatever that one day is, when I get that job or when I find a pair of pants to go with this. We're buying things, but we have no game plan, which makes now our closet start to feel disjointed.

Speaker 1:

So what does this cause? It causes you to try and make outfits from all these different versions of yourself, but nothing feels right together because you've outgrown all of these versions. Even if you bought something six months to a year ago, you've outgrown that because you are going through a growing phase. You really don't get this until you've come out of, say, maybe, the first or second iteration phase of your growth. So you're looking at it like I have these, these clothes, but they don't feel like me or I can wear it right now. You'll wear them right now in in the growing and growth phase, because you're not sure, because that's not what you're really focused on. You're focused on your personal growth and going through that because personal growth hurts. I'm going through that right now, not in the way that I would want to, but it hurts. And I'm coming out of it. And now I'm realizing well, you know, what Do these really reflect? Who I am and what I actually want to be and how I want to show up.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do when this happens and I'm glad that I'm not doing this, but I'm guilty of this in the past I would go shopping and you probably have as well hoping to fix the problem. More clothes, it'll solve the issue, it'll solve the problem. But instead of filling the gaps first and building a foundation first, we end up adding more pieces, making it harder to get dressed because nothing goes together, because everything is disjointed, nothing makes sense, it's just a bunch of stuff. And as the cycle continues, and no matter how many new pieces that you buy, the frustration still remains. And that is where you begin to wear the same four or five outfits all the time, because it's exhausting and it's tiring trying to put clothes together that don't even match or were never supposed to go together in the first place.

Speaker 1:

So we have to remember one thing when it comes to growth Growth is internal first, external second. Growth is internal first, external second. Real growth happens on the inside first, and that takes time. It can take six months, it can take a year, it can take two years. It take a year, it could take two years. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and you have different um versions of that as it comes to sort of like personal growth phase one, personal growth phase two. So you're always going to be evolving as a person. So, whether it's your career, confidence, personal life, our style needs to catch up with it and it's always an afterthought. So by the time we catch up to it, it's like where do I start, where do? I begin, but we go back to. It's so exhausting, we just throw it to the side and we just continue. Figure buying more clothes and we're trying to figure out what to wear.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and you might be changing in ways that people don't see right away, because when you begin to change in, your clothes will trigger or announce something is changing in this person, even if it's something small. Most times I've learned change looks different in different ways, that it's also announced. Besides close, it could be stepping into a leadership role, it could be setting boundaries or redefining your values. It's an internal shift. Sometimes it doesn't come out the way you expect it or the way other people expect it. They may see you as it, they may see you as being defensive, they may see you as being stubborn, they may see you as being difficult, but sometimes, in that you still have to push through and go forward and you're fighting.

Speaker 1:

I like to say, because I'm going through this and I've been going through this for a while you're fighting with yourself. On the inside. You're having sort of like this tug of war, because the new version of you is trying to pull you from the old. The old is trying to pull you from the new because it's comfortable and it's hard, and not all the time we can. Necessarily we cannot express it, but I want to challenge us to be able to express it, even if it comes out wrong and even if people misunderstand it or don't see it, because I am here to tell you they do. So.

Speaker 1:

This also comes with your clothes as well. Instead of trying to force your old clothes and your old style, I want you to look outside of that and say does this closet serve me now? Do these clothes make sense for where I am headed now to this new version of me now? If it doesn't, that is why your clothes feel off, and if I'm all over the place, I apologize, because when your clothes feel off, you feel off off. That's the biggest disconnect, is that is where everything the rubber meets the road. You're always going to feel off. Something is always not going to feel right. People aren't going to see the change because you're still dressing like the old versions of you and not the new version of you, which could cause confusion for people, even though you know in your head things are right. So I just want to challenge you to really think about your growth and your closet and just ask yourself am I trying to force old clothes and old styles to meet the new version of me, to meet the new version of me? So let's come to another part of this whole personal growth challenge and personal growth, growth.

Speaker 1:

People don't like your change. That is something else that you have to deal with. Sometimes, when we start changing and if I think we're not at the point to where we're dressing that way, we're dressing in either ways that people think that you should dress or you've told them how you wanna dress, but you still haven't figured that part out yet and as you begin to show up differently sometimes you don't even know that you're showing up differently, but other people will see it before you do and it could be something as simple as you flexing your confidence a little more. And if people are used to you being soft, meek, mild, going with the flow type of thing, that's going to be a shock to their system and they're not going to like that. You're blending in and now you want to start to stand out a little more.

Speaker 1:

People don't like that. They'll say things like you've changed or, as I like to say, a new way of saying is I've known you for X amount of years and you're still the same person. No, they don't want to acknowledge your change and your growth. They see it, they don't like it and because they don't like it, they're going to make you think that you haven't changed. But you know inside that, hey, hey, I'm having this personal war with myself. I am changing and it's coming up in ways that you don't like it. It's coming up in ways of I peep you now, like I see you now, even though I've always seen you. Oh, I really see you now.

Speaker 1:

And sometimes they see the version of you that is might actually just be scary, because they see this version of you that they've always liked the idea of that particular version of you, but they are unwilling to accept it. Grow with you, cultivate it and nurture it in a way so that it does come out, and giving you the space, creating a space and a place for you to experience it out in the open, instead of keeping it hidden inside, which is not good, because you will explode, and you will explode in ways that will. It will literally spill over and they really won't understand or like that reaction. But that's their problem, not yours. And if they decide To always put it back on you, as people would say, gaslighting or whatever have you? That's their issue, not yours, because what they are afraid of is that they are not willing to make the change and give you grow to the level that they see you as so. They will try to keep you and mold you, and you they want you to change based on how they want you as so. They will try to keep you and mold you, and they want you to change based on how they want you to change, not how you are changing or how God wants you to change. But that's probably a whole other episode in itself.

Speaker 1:

So, even with this, even making small, subtle changes in your style, it should evolve as you grow, and the problem isn't that you don't have anything to wear. It's that you're trying to dress for an old version of you, you dressing the way that you are currently and not evolving to that next level of who you are. So how do we, or how do you, align your style with your growth? Because it can be done. Because it can be done, it starts in your closet Period, not at some store, not some mood board on Pinterest, not on Instagram, Not on TikTok, if that's still around. It starts in your closet. It's personal growth starts on the inside. First Second is you have to go and deal with your closet. I know that growth starts on the inside. First Second is you have to go and deal with your closet. I know that I beat this like a dead horse, but I am here to tell you if you want to change your life, if you want to evolve and you want to get where you want to go faster, it's your closet.

Speaker 1:

Our closets no longer serve us. The closets from 2020, 2018, 2023, the closets from 2020, 2018, 2023, 2024, 2021, they don't serve us anymore, so we have to fix it. That means we have to let go of what no longer serves you. It's not representing who you are or where you're going. It's time to either donate it, sell it or repurpose it.

Speaker 1:

We have to define our new style direction. Who are you becoming? What message do you want your clothes to send and speak when you walk into a room? You want to start curating pieces that align with that version. That is something you have to be able to figure out. Everybody is going to be different. Style is personal to the individual. That's what makes it personal style and you need to be intentional about these new purchases. We are thinking quality over quantity. We have to stop shopping on an impulse, because those impulse bias make us feel good in the moment, but then we're never going to wear that maybe once, if at all, and instead we want to buy a wardrobe that supports our next level version, one that feels cohesive, empowering and authentic. We want it to speak before we do. We want it to speak volumes. We want us.

Speaker 1:

When we step into a space or a place and people notice us right away, we are silent but deadly. That's just how it is. That signals the change. People will notice that. People will take note and say, oh, that's that version that was on the other side. We have to take that and I think we don't do us. We do ourselves a disservice because we don't dress for the change that we are.

Speaker 1:

We may have gone through two or three iterations of evolution personal growth, evolution but we still dress three versions ago and now we're wondering why it doesn't match up for us. It starts in the closet, and intentionally, of what we are buying. That means we're no longer shopping at stores we used to shop at before. That means we're shopping at new places that we see. We're looking at different women that align with who it is that we want to look like and go to. What do you notice about them? You notice they only wear certain colors. They have a color palette. They have all the main pieces. Color palette they have all the main pieces. That is what being intentional about our purchases are. When we are doing the next version, we have to do all of this before we even go into a store and like can I try these on? Because if you don't do any of this, you're wasting your time and you're wasting your money and you'll be back doing this again in probably six, seven, eight months or a year.

Speaker 1:

So personal growth and personal style they go hand in hand. Don't let anybody tell you different or otherwise. If your wardrobe feels off, it might be time to check in with yourself and in your closet. Who are you becoming and does your style reflect that? If it does not, and if you are ready to step into your next level of confidence, make sure that you, of course, subscribe to the podcast for more style and personal growth content, because I am literally going on this journey with you, and if you need help with resetting your closet, then I also invite you to check out in the description box of this episode and schedule your discovery call with me today so we can discuss how I can help you reset your closet and set you up for success, for becoming and evolving your style to match and meet your next version of yourself. So, with all of that being said, I hope you guys have an amazing rest of your day, stay healthy, stay safe and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.