The Everyday Icon Style Podcast

Episode 184: Why You Can’t Define Your Style (And It’s Not What You Think)

• Tiffany Howard

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Standing in front of a closet full of beautiful clothes yet feeling like you have nothing to wear isn't about lacking taste—it's about lacking clarity. I explore the three blind spots that sabotage our style and prevent us from developing a cohesive wardrobe that reflects who we truly are.

• Decision fatigue masquerading as exploration—reinventing your wardrobe every morning with dozens of micro-decisions drains your energy and kills confidence
• The illusion of flexibility—wanting to "wear whatever I feel like" sounds liberating but often masks fear of commitment or being seen
• Treating symptoms instead of root causes—most style advice focuses on tactics (wear this, buy that) without understanding your personal and professional goals

Check out my Wardrobe Refresh Intensive where we translate your goals into a clear, confident style strategy. Click the link to learn more & schedule your discovery call today.  https://stan.store/StyledbyTiffanyO




Speaker 1:

This is the Everyday Icon Style Podcast the space for style-conscious, career-driven women who are ready to look like the next-level version of themselves. Each episode helps you build a wardrobe that reflects not only your executive presence but your real life. With a little bit of guidance, intentional edits and no full-blown transformation required. Let's elevate your style and your authenticity one outfit at a time. I'm Tiffany, your style coach. Let's elevate your style and your authenticity one outfit at a time. I'm Tiffany, your style coach. Let's get started.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever stood in front of your closet, surrounded by all of your beautiful clothes, and yet you still feel that you have absolutely nothing to wear? I've been there, trust me. Have absolutely nothing to wear. I've been there, trust me. And it's not a lack of taste. It's more that you lack clarity, and that is what we're going to talk about today, of what can cause you for not having clarity. So, but first, hey, my name is Tiffany and this, of course, is the Everyday Icon Style Podcast, and today I want to talk to you about why your style feels undefined. It could maybe feel off, even though you know what looks good, because sometimes it's not about that. It's more so about your mindset and your strategy. So let's dive on in. So most professionals I work with out in the everyday world on in. So most professionals I work with out in the everyday world.

Speaker 1:

We unknowingly sabotage our own style, and I've seen it time and time again, and I've even done it, and it comes down to these three blind spots. So first, it's decision fatigue masquerading as exploration. Now, without a style strategy, you're reinventing your wardrobe every morning. No morning, noon, after night, you're always reinventing it with dozens of tiny micro decisions what shoes am I going to wear? What jewelry am I going to wear, what jacket? This is literally draining your energy and it kills your confidence. This is where you end up saying you know what, forget about it, I'm just going to throw anything on and be out the door. That's where that comes from, because we get tired and a lot of times people will say, oh, we'll just go buy more clothes. Or we even think, well, let's go buy more clothes. That doesn't solve the problem. It's just going to lead you to more decision fatigue as you throw close to the problem and what you actually need is a decision-making framework that will help you with making the right decisions.

Speaker 1:

This is where sometimes people at higher levels. They will have uniforms. When they go to work, they'll have a t-shirt and jeans. Um, who was it? Um, I think it was Steve Jobs. He always wore black turtleneck, tennis shoes and a pair of jeans, because that is something that he doesn't have to think about on a daily basis. So we do want to about it, but we don't want to make it as stressful in the mornings or any time that we get dressed.

Speaker 1:

So the next blind spot is the illusion of flexibility. Now this is when we start to say I wanna wear whatever. I feel like. It sounds liberating, it feels good, but it's actually fear in disguise, which can also then lead back to the decision fatigue. Now, with this, we are fearing of commitment, fear of being seen, fear of oh my gosh, is this going to look right? What are people going to say? That's what that kind of means, which then puts us back into our same old, tried and true outfits that we have that really don't do anything for us. They don't give us that pizzazz that we're always looking for, that we know that we have. That's deep down inside. But the truth is, the most stylish people have clear boundaries and that's what gives them freedom. People too many times think that structure is restriction, and it is not. It's an expression with intention, structure. It's not rigid, but it has its ebbs and flows and when you begin to create your boundaries and structure around your style, that is when you begin to realize and cultivate and create something that is totally for you Now.

Speaker 1:

Next, the third one is treating symptoms instead of the root cause. Now, most style advice that's out there is pretty much tactical for the most part right now, most style advice that's out there is pretty much tactical for the most part. Right, wear this, buy that. Oh, this would look good on you, try this color, do x, y and z. But if they don't understand your goals, where you're going professionally, where you're going personally, you'll always feel lost in the sauce.

Speaker 1:

This is why sometimes, when you see makeovers on TV and things of that nature, they never stick because they're just putting people in clothes and doing their hair and makeup, but never really sitting down and talking to the individual about how do you want to feel, what are your goals? What do you want to accomplish by this? What has been holding you back? What makes what have you wanted to try but have been too fearful of trying? And it's like almost memorizing recipes without learning how to cook. It's like, oh, I know how to make dressing, but I've memorized the recipe but I've never made dressing before. And you need to actually know the why behind your choices.

Speaker 1:

And once you sit down and we do this in my wardrobe strategy refresh we sit down and I talk to you about why, about why. Because unless I know why and unless you know why and begin to uncover the real reasons, you will never be able to create and build the style that is literally dying to burst out of you so people can see, to see you, and without it, I don't see a lot of style advice asking why. I see them saying do this, buy that, try this, this will make you feel good, putting outfits together and doing the get ready with me, and there's nothing wrong with that, but that's for them, it's not you. They're not getting to the well, why, tiffany? What are your career goals? And that is kind of what we want to do when cultivating and laying the foundation of your actual personal style, because asking the why will help with give the intention behind and a little more meaning behind your style, behind your style.

Speaker 1:

So there is a shift that happens and we need to kind of make it from going from aesthetics which is, I think, is where we've gotten to to where now people look cookie cutter sort of like. You know, people don't like living in development communities because all the houses look cookie cutter on the outside and everybody. Maybe there's three or four floor plans that you can choose from in the whole development and so maybe every four or five houses they all look the same. Personal style is very similar. You want to find strategy over aesthetics, because with the aesthetics now we kind of look a little boring, we look a little cookie cutter, and with personal style it gives us that little pizzazz, it gives you something that you can stand out above the rest, even if you like neutral colors, for example, such as myself, if I add something that can make me stand out, it could be my jewelry, it could be my hair, whatever that may be we always want to add something that will give us that. Now, sometimes it's going to be.

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If you've ever had this feeling of there's something I'm missing when I'm putting my style together and it's not the aesthetic, it goes back to having a strategy problem and again we think, because something doesn't feel quite right, we're going to go out and buy more clothes, we're wasting money, we're causing more decision fatigue and this is how you get a closet full of clothes with 5011 pieces and outfits with price tags on them. You get a closet full of clothes with 5011 pieces and outfits with price tags on them because now you have to go through the daunting task of trying to put outfits together and figuring it out, when most of the time, you just need a system to actually filter your choices based on your personal and professional goals and how you want to show up. And that's how you move from inconsistent to iconic. I think a lot of us are inconsistent with our style and once we begin to make that shift now, we're starting to walk into the realm of iconic, which is what we ultimately want to do. So this was just the first part, sort of like the teaser, like the water boiling when you're about to cook rice or something.

Speaker 1:

But in the next episode, I am going to walk you through how we connect your goals to your wardrobe decisions and why your style words might be well, I know it's not might, but they actually are a little too vague and I'm going to walk you through my style words and my process on how I came up with my style words and how I had to go deeper with them, and we usually stay very vague with them, but we never really go deeper. So that is what we're going to do in next week's episode, but for now, I have a few questions that I want you to ask yourself as you're pondering and thinking about your style. Are you trying to express too many versions of yourself at once, so you have like 50, 11 versions and you're trying to cram them all together, and if so, what are they and from what they are? What are the maybe two or three that you may want to express? Three is the max, two is the minimum or, if you want to make it extremely easy, just one.

Speaker 1:

Are you mistaking style confusion for creativity and are you solving the wrong problem? Because sometimes you may not need a whole new wardrobe, you may just need a statement piece, you may just need to add jewelry. But figure out what problem, ask yourself. I want you to check out my Wardrobe. Refresh, intensive and it's really not intensive, it's just a name and this is where we get to translate your goals into clear, confident style strategy that even includes taking a little peek inside your closet. It means coming up with your three words and having a real conversation about them, and I invite you to click the link in the description show notes below of this episode to learn more. And, as always, I want to thank you for listening and remember you don't need better taste, you just need a better strategy, and I will talk to you guys next week in the next episode.