Episode 213: Are You Brave Enough?

Are you dressing for yourself or for an invisible audience that never stops grading your outfit? We’re pulling on that thread and getting honest about the bravery it takes to look in the mirror and trust your own taste without running to a rule book, a seasonal color chart, or a “safe” capsule wardrobe formula.  

But that safety comes with a cost. When we rely on checklists, we stop listening for the internal yes that shows up when something truly feels like us, and our wardrobe starts to act like a uniform. I share how personal style becomes effortless when you stop performing and start choosing, one small decision at a time.  

If you’re in your late 40s, 50s, or beyond and ready for style reinvention that actually fits your lifestyle and personal brand, this is your reminder that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. 

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Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Everyday Icon Style Podcast, a podcast that teaches you how to build a wardrobe that supports your personal brand and lifestyle. From closet chaos to effortless style, I'm your host Tiffany. Let's get started. Today, I'm going to ask a question that might feel a little uncomfortable. And that question is, are you brave enough? Now we're taught, I'm not going to be talking anything like skydiving or even public speaking or anything that might have you ask you to be brave. I'm actually going to be talking about the bravery it takes to look in the mirror and trust you, to trust yourself without having to check any style rules or any guides that you may have. Because I think we've been conditioned to believe that style is a math problem to be solved rather than it being an expression of who we actually are. So today I'm going to dive into why we cling to those rules and finally how to begin to let them go.

Why Style Rules Feel Safe

SPEAKER_00 1:17

So first let's talk about the psychology of the safety net. Why do we love rules? Now I'm not saying that rules aren't for everything, but this is always going to be in the context of style. Because rules feel safe. So if someone tells you that you can't wear horizontal stripes or your shoes have to match your belt, it removes the risk of being wrong. And I'm going to input here capsule wardrobes. They're safe. And even if you're using AI to help you with your wardrobe and build it and reinvent it, it's going to give you extremely safe options. And what this actually will stem from is a deep-seated fear of external judgment. We can all raise our hands when it comes to that. And when we begin to actually follow a rule, we aren't expressing ourselves. We're performing. They become more of a uniform, so to speak. And we're always trying to seek validation that we actually belong. But the cost of that safety is your authenticity. And style becomes effortless only when you stop performing for an invisible audience. And even if it's a visible audience, we now are at a point and a stage and an age in our life where we can let go of just performing when it comes to our style.

Breaking Rules To Build Trust

SPEAKER_00 2:48

So what about breaking these rules? So what if the rules we've been following and you've been following are actually the real issue? They act as a barrier between you and your intuition, i.e., trusting yourself. And when you rely on a checklist, you stop listening to your internal yes. And that happens when you put on something that truly feels like you. So if you want to wear yellow instead of brown, when you wear the yellow, that is going to begin to trust you. And you can do this in very small steps. So the bravest thing that you can do right now is stop asking or even seeking permission when it comes to your style. And you don't have to go and do this huge overhaul like some personal stylists and style coaches might actually make you want to do. This is a marathon, not a sprint. And you have to build the muscle to begin trusting yourself when it comes to your style. So maybe it could be wearing a color that you're told doesn't suit your season, or mixing patterns because you like the way they clash. Or personal style, it actually begins exactly where fashion rules end. And that means getting rid of them. And when you see people in their true, actual personal style, they are literally not following any rules. And they feel extremely comfortable. They are wearing what they want to wear. And you can tell that they just feel good and they feel happy about what they have on. And that is what we are trying to get you to do and become.

A Sister Who Dressed Free

SPEAKER_00 8:43

And these are the individuals that when you look at them, you'll say, Oh wow, that looks cute on them. They're brave enough to wear it. Well, they trust themselves enough to wear it. It didn't happen for them overnight. And little by little they began to trust themselves and stopped caring about what people actually thought and just come out and dress how they want to dress. And I can say my sister used to do this very well. And when I tell you she never cared how people thought about her when she dressed, that was just who she was. And it came through because of her personality, it came through of how she carried herself, how she interacted with people. It was because she was comfortable with how she would dress. Like this is a girl that she would come outside or go out, and she would literally have her clothes, her t-shirt on inside out, but would still wear it comfortably. And somebody would mention, hey, you know what, Heather, your shirts on inside out. And she'd be like, Yeah, okay, that's fine. She's the same one that would walk out with Mitch Matt shoes, Mitch Matt socks, but she was so comfortable enough with herself that she was able to do that, even as far as I'll even use an example of church. Because in church, you are supposed to dress sort of like a certain kind of way. Now, sometimes she would wear her skirts or dresses, maybe just a little bit too short. And when I mean too short, maybe like an inch or two above the knee. But that was who she was. And people tried to put her in a box and contain her, but in reality, they weren't letting her be herself and her expressing herself the way that she did through how she dressed. And to be that free in how you dress, whether it's you walk out and something's on backwards, or even to the point to where sometimes I'll even go as far as you know, sometimes she wouldn't even necessarily iron all of the time, but she would still flip-float around like she was the baddest thing walking, and you could never tell her anything. And that is the type of freedom and bravery and courage that we need to have moving forward as women in their late 40s, early 50s, late 50s, and for and so on, because we can do that. We have played by the rules for a very long time. And so the great way to start with breaking rules is actually with our style.

Your Next Step And Newsletter Invite

SPEAKER_00 11:30

So I do want you to think about this. I want you to think and sit with the question: are you brave enough one more time? Do you have enough courage deep down inside to really build a style or discover it or reinvent it that is definitely for you? And if you're ready to dive deeper into developing your own unique aesthetic and nothing that is cookie-cutter, I want to invite you to join my community and subscribe to my monthly newsletter, The Signature Edit. Why? Because it's designed to help you curate a life and style that feels like you. Because what happens is when you begin to change your style and start doing the inside work and it becomes on the outside, everything around you will begin to change because then you're going to be like, well, what else can I change? You know what? I don't like this couch. I want like a purple couch or whatever it may be. Um, that you'll be able to do that. So be sure to click the link in the description of this episode and sign up today. And I want you to remember something personal style requires two things bravery and courage. So go be brave today, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.