Episode 215: What If Style Loss Is Self-Trust Loss

Your closet can be full and still feel empty and when that happens, it is easy to spiral into “What’s wrong with me?” We go straight at that fear and replace it with a clearer, kinder diagnosis: your wardrobe may simply be behind your life. I’m Tiffany, and I break down why “nothing feels right” often shows up after a new season like a career shift, motherhood, divorce, health changes, aging, or an identity reset. The clothes are not the real problem. The gap is.

We talk about the timing gap, how a closet becomes a mirror of past decisions, and why shopping for a brand-new you can keep you stuck. Instead of chasing capsule wardrobe rules, “10 essentials,” or social media formulas, we focus on rebuilding self-trust in personal style. I share a simple practice for the next time you open your closet door: notice the feeling without judgment. Boredom, dread, flatness, grief, numbness, they are not drama. They are data.

THE FOUNDATION EDIT: https://www.theeverydayicon.co/

THE SIGNATURE EDIT NEWSLETTER http://the-executive-edge.kit.com/560a58e519

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@tiffanyodean

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/styledbytiffanyo/

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Everyday Icon Stop Podcast, a podcast that teaches you how to build a wardrobe that supports your personal friend and life. Closet Chaos Effortless. I'm your host Tiffany. Let's get started.

When Nothing In Your Closet Works

SPEAKER_00 0:16

You've spent years building your current closet, and you have tried to cultivate something that you could feel was just completely your own and completely was you. However, now you want to burn all that down to the ground. Why? Because nothing feels right anymore, and now you begin to think that there's something wrong with you, or you just don't know what to do because it can be overwhelming and frustrating. So before we dive in, and I answer this question for today and talk about it a little bit deeper, I just want you to let you know that it's not that you there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfectly fine, you're perfectly normal. But this has to do something with just maybe a little bit deeper than what you're realizing that it is, and a lot of people never talk about it. But we're gonna have a conversation about it today. So as you look into your closet and you're standing there, everything that you see that you've built and that you've owned, it either makes you feel too young, too tired, too tight, or you're playing cosplay with someone you used to be, or someone you thought you would be, and it never came true at all. So you have a lot of different things and styles and versions of you that you thought you would create, who you were. And when you do this, your closet is so full and so overwhelmed that you have so much stuff in there that you really don't have anything to wear. It's never ever about the clothes. So I want you to now start to think that your problem is probably taste, but it it ain't, it's not, trust me. Because the other thing is now you're also thinking, well, what's wrong with me? But then you're also thinking, well, geez, have I lost my sense of style? Or dang, I've really let myself go. Or if I just go buy a whole new closet full of clothes, it'll fix the problem. And then you go shop and then you bring back some more clothes. But those three actions, they always make you and will keep you stuck because none of it, absolutely none of it, is true. So you're probably asking or thinking to yourself, well, Tiffany, if that's not happening, then what exactly is going on and what can I do to fix it?

The Closet Mirrors Life Decisions

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Simple. And I've mentioned this before in a few prior episodes back. Your closet is a mirror of decisions that you've made at different times, phases in your life. And as you begin to go through your next seasons and your next chapter, and this could be age, it could be career shifts, divorce, motherhood, empty nester, or any other thing that you could potentially think of health issues, any of those, and there are probably even like a plethora more of things that I can't even consider or think about. But your closet doesn't automatically change with you. And now your closet is trying to fast forward, I'm tongue-tied as always, it's trying to catch up. So it may be your closet might be five or six steps behind you, and it is always the very last thing that you think about when you're thinking about the next season or the next chapter in your life. You never think about or consider your closet at all. So now you have a gap that you feel like you're personally failing, but it's not that at all. It's more with what I like to call a timing gap. And I'm here to tell you and let you know that your closet isn't broken per se. It's just still dressing from the past five or six chapters or seasons that you've already been through. And for some reason, in some seasons, you don't have time to think about it. Or it's something that you don't even consider because we've never been taught, and nobody ever talks about this issue at all, about there being a gap in between where you are now and when you stopped doing your closet. And this is probably where I would say this is why closet edits are always so important. But we will get to closet edits a little bit later on in a few episodes. But first, I just want you to really focus about the issue and the true problem that is happening that no one's been able to put their finger on or able to even speak about it, because they may not know either. So this is where I begin to come in.

Notice The Feeling Without Judgment

SPEAKER_00 6:00

And I want you to do something literally the next time that you open the closet door. It's not gonna take a lot of time, even if you're not gonna open up your closet until tomorrow morning. And I want you to take notice of how your closet feels. And I don't want you to judge the feeling, I don't want you to get mad, I don't want you to get sad. I just want you to notice it. Is it flat? Is it boring? Do you dread it? Is it grief? Numbness? Because each of these feelings is data for you to use. Not even any bit of drama. And what it's actually telling you is that self-trust muscle, it's gone silent andor numb. And it could literally be both. It could be both quiet and it can be numb. And sometimes that happens. So what it is now is that now we have to begin to utilize a self-trust muscle again, so you can trust yourself again when it comes to your style. Because a lot of times when you hear, oh, you need these 10 essentials in your checklist, or you need to get a capsule wardrobe, or if I were to start all over again, this is what I would do. This is where you need to shop. You don't need any of that, and that probably is overwhelming and gets you more confused than you already are. Of what it is, and that, my friends, is self-trust. When your closet feels out of whack, it's boring, it feels blah, that is internal, and we have to begin to fix getting back the self-trust in this particular area of your life. Because sometimes what you'll think is and what you don't realize is that sometimes it will begin to seep out into other parts of your life, but you don't realize it, you don't recognize it, because we've never been told to recognize it.

Three Reflection Questions To Journal

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So after you get this data that you need, I want you to ask yourself a few reflection questions and just jot it down in a note or anywhere that you can because you're gonna use it for later. And I want you to consider and ask yourself, when did you feel like yourself getting dressed the last time? So when is the last time that you felt getting dressed was fun, was joy, was peaceful, was vibrant, that lit you up inside. When was the last time? And what you'll find is it wasn't two days ago, it wasn't two months ago, it's probably been about five, six plus years ago. Could even be two or three. But you'll find out that this has literally been going on a lot longer than you think. Next, if your closet was dressing for a season, this particular season, what is the first thing that would have to go? I don't want you to take it out of your closet and get rid of it. But if you wanted to dress any particular way for this season, and when you go into your closet, what is the first thing that you would say, mm-mm, this has to go? And just write it down. Because when you think about what you have to let go, you're going to be letting go of more than just an item. You're letting go of memories, you're letting go of how you felt. And that can be hard. Because when you begin to let go of things in your closet, you're going to mourn them, you're going to grieve them. So I don't want you to do that right now because your closet is literally, you're going to grieve all aspects of your closet as you begin to take everything out, and then as you replace everything back with what it is that you really truly need for today's season. The last question is: what have you been assuming is a you problem that might actually just be a not updated problem?

Personal Style Updates Versus Basics

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Now, when I'm talking about this, this is what I'm talking about when it comes to your clothing. I'm not talking about, you know, necessarily the standard black pant or things of that nature that you can build upon. I'm not talking about your foundation because that's different than your personal style. There are two different things. So I'm actually thinking about what is your personal style that has not been updated. So that could be something as simple as you used to like blazers, but now you like cardigans. You used to like jeans, but now you like dress slacks and trousers because they just make you feel a little bit more elevated and ready to go anywhere. Maybe you used to like blouses, but now you like graphic tees, and that's okay. You just have to figure out what have you been assuming is a you problem that might actually just be a not updated problem. And that's what an update is. And then I want you to write it down, just how I kind of gave a little example. What needs to be up, what hasn't been updated but needs to be updated, and just write it down. I don't want you to look at any Pinterest boards, I don't want you to look at anything on social media, I just want you to do this on your own. Because in this process of self-trust, you have to be able to rely on you and not what anybody else says, not what a Pinterest board says, and not what social media says. It's what do you say, what do you feel, what do you want this next season in your life when it comes to your style to look like?

Burn It Down Or Edit It

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Because the one thing is that it's going to always evolve and change. Many of you are probably at the point to where you probably, for your personal style, may or may not actually have to burn it down. And I don't want saying that in a bad way, but I'm saying it in a way that it's just something that you have to do. And sometimes that is okay. Many of you may not have to do that, many of you may just need to tighten up the foundation and take out a few pieces and update them a little bit. So there's everybody's going to be at a different place within the confound of this particular question. But I don't want you to shy away from saying, I have to burn it down, or I just have to change out a few things here and there. That is okay because this is personal to you and to nobody else. And at the same time, we're building back again your self-trust through all of this process. So after this little conversation that we've had today, it may be a sign if as we're going through this and you've heard a few things, and if you're thinking to yourself, you know what, it may be the sign that I've outgrown my current style and that I'm ready for what's next. But you don't know how, or you don't know what is actually next. So that's where I come in. Because I work with women like you to help you align your wardrobe with your next chapter in season through what I like to call the foundation edit. And if you'd like to explore what that could look like for you, then I would love to have a conversation with you. And you can schedule your consultation call. The link is in the description of this video, not video, podcast, along with a description and gives you an idea of tells you a little bit more about what the foundation actually is. And I actually look forward to speaking with you. So I want to leave you with this for today. You're

The Messy Middle And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 15:04

not late, you're not high maintenance. Are you overthinking it? Maybe. At one point you have or will. But you're probably not even thinking about it at all. If truth be told, you're in a gap, or what I like to call the messy middle. I want you to think of this this way. If you read books, sometimes some books may have little books that are called novellas, and they might be about, you know, 10, 15 chapters. It's sort of like a bridge from one book to the next book, or it might be a side quest story. And that's what we're in. And it's the gap is where you're going to spend, where we are going to spend the next few episodes. Because with the gap, you're going to spend some time in this messy middle before you can actually get through to the other side to see actually what your style actually truly is. And it is going to be frustrating, overwhelming. And again, like I said, you will probably want to burn everything down. And that is okay because those feelings are very valid. And I just want you to begin to think about how you can begin to build that muscle of self-trust when it comes to your closet. Because if you can do it in there, you can do it anywhere else that you may feel that you don't trust yourself enough. And not the big things about trust, but the small things about trusting yourself. And once you're able to do it in there, in your closet, you'll pretty much be able to do it just about anywhere else. So, in our next episode, we are going to talk about why this was never really about clothes at all. So be sure to stay tuned for next week's episode. So, with all of that being said, have an amazing rest of your day. Stay healthy, stay safe, and I look forward to seeing you guys in the next episode.